Bikram Yoga
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Should You Go on a Dating Hiatus?
   
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Whats On Your Shift List?
The most happy and successful people on earth have a personal
Shift List. They probably don't call it by that name, but they
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Sometimes we need a hiatus from dating. A hiatus is a break in The most happy and successful people on earth have a personal
Shift List. They probably don't call it by that name, but they
have one. How do I know .....
something that normally has continuity. You may have heard this term
used in conjunction with television shows: The show is going on hiatus
until shooting starts for next season. That means the actors and crew
are taking a break until work starts again.
The Brick Wall
So how do you know it's time to consider a dating hiatus? It's when
youve been dating for many months or years and still seem no closer to
meeting the right person than when you started. It's when you've been
dating a succession of people but nothing of substance develops with
any of them. Are you beginning to feel like youre just beating your head
against a brick wall? It will feel better if you simply decide to STOP.
Youve gotten yourself in a rut. You keep doing the same things to
meet new people but every relationship just peters out and goes
nowhere. Youre starting to feel so frustrated thats its affecting your
relationships with family and friends. Youre just grumpy and negative
much of the time. Youre losing hope of ever finding someone to love
and becoming cynical and sarcastic about your future. Instead of moving
forward youre going into a tailspin.
Before you let this state of mind deteriorate into a full-blown
depression, there is something you can do to change it: go on hiatus! If
youre on a losing streak and it keeps getting worse instead of better,
then do what any smart coach does for a player in that situation. Take
yourself out of the game for a while.
Break the Pattern
When what you have been doing just isnt working, its time to stop,
break the pattern and do something different. If you are sliding into a
state of misery and frustration, this may be the time when you are
unhappy enough to consider doing some personal growth and spiritual
work. Sad but true, most of us do not take steps to change until the pain
of changing is less than the pain of staying the same.
This is the time when you are most motivated to find a connection to
God or Spirit or Higher Power or whatever you call the unseen force that
created our world. This is the time when you are most open to learning a
new way to think and a new set of principles to believe in and live by
that will take you out of your misery and put you back in charge of your
life.
If this is where you are today, dont beat yourself up because you
havent found the love relationship you so ardently desire. Even the best
boxer in the world sometimes has to go down for the count before he
can get back up and start fighting again. Give yourself a break and take
a break from the dating scene.
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Once you make up your mind firmly and decide you are going on a
dating hiatus, you will immediately start to feel a little better. Thats
because you have taken control of your life again and have stopped
looking for someone else to make you feel okay. Next time some well-
meaning friend asks you who youre dating you dont have to feel like a
loser or a second-class citizen because youre alone. You can just say,
Oh, Im on hiatus right now. Ive decided not to date for a while. Its a
choice you have made, not an unwanted situation you found yourself in.
You are in control and youre feeling better!
Nows the time to take that class youve been meaning to take, start
going to church, find a therapist or counselor or support group. Read a
book or two about spiritual principles, study the bible or other scriptures
that interest you. Go back to your religious roots or explore some
different philosophy that intrigues you. Try a yoga or meditation or dance
class. Take the hours and hours you used to spend online at the dating
sites and invest them into yourself instead.
Before I met my husband I took a two year dating hiatus and did just
what Im suggesting you do. Thats why I know it works. What a relief it
was to get myself out of the mindset of most singles: looking, looking,
always looking. I pulled in my singles antenna that was always on the
lookout for any man that might be a possibility. I stopped making
decisions about whether to go to any event based on how many single
men might be there. I accepted my state of singleness and enjoyed all
the good things about it.
Making Changes
I delved into the universal spiritual principles taught in Religious
Science and Unity churches and discovered that I actually had the
power to change how I think and what I believe. I created a whole new
life for myself and learned how to be happy and whole as a single
person. I let the old feelings of not good enough drop away and
replaced them with believing and knowing that my happiness did not
depend on having a partner.
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Also, I came to realize that holding on to resentments from the past
can block you from attracting good things into your life today. Learning
to release bitterness and resentment is a necessary step, but one that
many people are unwilling to take. If you are having difficulty finding and
keeping a good partner today, chances are theres some anger over a
past hurt buried in you thats part of the cause.
You dont have to forgive and pretend that whatever they did
wasnt wrong, but unless you release those angry feelings, and stop
giving them your attention, youll never be free of their influence. Doing
this emotional work may not be much fun and you may resent the fact
that you even have to do it! But if you have the courage you can find a
way and it will make a tremendous difference in your next relationship. I
can vouch for that.
When I was secure in the knowledge that I am enough and dont
need anyone else to be happy then I was able to go back into dating
and attract a great mate in less than a year. Turns out that the solution to
the problem was within myself. Once I released my old resentments and
learned to appreciate all the good things about my life, I attracted some
really good men into my life. Now I'm happily married a man who is a
perfect partner for me.
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This dating hiatus idea may seem too radical and extreme to you
right now. However, the more people you date and the more unhappy
you get, the more it will start to make sense to you. If all you do is take a
break for a while, but dont do anything to make needed changes within
yourself during that time, then you cant expect to get better results when
you start dating again. A dating hiatus works only if you work it!
How Long?
How long should it take? There are no hard and fast rules about this.
It all depends on how much change and growth you need before you
are able to produce a different outcome for yourself. My guess would be
a minimum of six months to an average of several years.
Does this sound impossible for you right now? If you cant stand the
thought of not having a date for six months, then you are in a precarious
state of mind, depending way too much on being in a relationship to
make you feel okay. A dating hiatus could be just what you need, but
you may not be ready to accept that yet. It requires patience and the
determination to stick with it for however long it takes. In our culture of
instant gratification and the quick-fix, people dont like hearing this, but it
is the truth.
Let these ideas sink in and roll around in your subconscious for a
while. Few people will joyfully jump up after reading this and shout,
Yes, Im going on a dating hiatus tomorrow! Give it some time and
when the time is right for you (or when you are sufficiently miserable and
frustrated), you will know. When its done with the right motivation, a
dating hiatus along with some personal growth work can be your ticket
to a better future. You'll go back into the dating game with a real
possibility of winning next time.