Bikram Yoga
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Why We May Not Be Having Sex! Great Sex! And What We Can Do About It
   
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Dont Focus On Failure
Internal defeat is a mindset, where you begin to believe that
most new ideas will fail. You might think -After all, what I
tried in last week's Yoga class, failed .....
If about 50 percent of women in midlife experience a plunge in libido (which is what studies show), that leaves another 50 percent who dont. Like Ann. "My libido has always been on the high side," acknowledges Ann, a 50-year-old documentary maker and artist. Not only does she have a healthy sexual appetite, but also what she calls a "turned-on response" to life in general.Internal defeat is a mindset, where you begin to believe that
most new ideas will fail. You might think -After all, what I
tried in last week's Yoga class, failed .....
Ann is an ardent nature lover, and takes every opportunity to hike, bike, swim, sail, and be out in the elements. "I hoot and holler a little bit more than people who arent quite as passionate," she says. She also channels her energy into her work, creating award-winning documentaries as well as drawing, painting, and making collages.
Unfortunately, says Ann, "Even with a strong libido, my sex life is not without peril." She explains that her husband of 18 years has always had much less interest in sex than she has, reversing the roles of many couples. "In general, Im the badgerer," she says.
Ann works hard at not taking her husband's lack of interest personally, and takes care to avoid the trap of negative self-speak ("Im oversexed, a nymphomaniac"). She also uses playfulness and a sense of humor to ask her husband for more responsiveness. "One of the things thats good for me is making sure that my spouse knows that sex is a part of what makes me happy," she says.
Ann respects her husbands lack of desire, though, and has found other avenues of sexual satisfaction. "For me, self-pleasure is a necessity. I learned that there are resources that can help keep your fantasy life goingKundalini yoga, the Kama Sutra, says Ann. "This has taken a lot of pressure off my husband."
Another facet of Anns situation is that shes now taking an antidepressant, and is experiencing a common side effect: "Its knocked my libido out," she says. Ann and her doctor are searching for an antidepressant (or a combination of the drugs) that works for her without affecting her sex drive, but they havent found it yet.
In the meantime, although Ann feels frustration, "The good news is that my husband and I are now on a more harmonious playing field," she says. "The friction that was there from the disparity in our desires is gone, and so there is a certain pleasureone thats distinctly different from sexual pleasure--in this absence of tension about intimacy."
Ann calls it a nice equalization. "I just dont want it to go unappreciated," she says. "Its complicated, our sexuality."